ALIVE AND CREAKING

2025 – STILL HERE

I started this blog 12 years ago just after I left full time employment but have neglected it for several years – largely because I have been very busy running my own business as a funeral celebrant.

I’ve decided to revisit – and rename – the blog in 2025 as I am considerably older and have to accept that I am no longer a fit young 65 year old 😉 but a rather creaky 77 year old. Hopefully my mental faculties are still sharp (at least no-one has told me otherwise yet!)

So why have I made this decision? Largely because I constantly find things that people say or don’t say amusing and/or annoying and want to share them. Share with who -sorry, whom – you may ask? Perhaps with others of a similar vintage who can relate to these musings, or perhaps a whole new group of younger folk who have never thought about how us ancient ones actually used to be young and enthusiastic like them…

Let’s get the ball rolling by asking anyone reading this who is under 60 – when did you last compliment an older (60+) person on their appearance?

And to those over 60 – when did anyone (other than a spouse/partner) compliment you on your appearance and notice if you’ve changed your hairstyle?

My guess in both cases is ‘I can’t remember’. It seems that as we get older we become less and less visible. I still put on makeup every day, go to the hairdressers regularly and often change the style, keep up to date with fashion trends and try to buy ‘age appropriate’ (whatever that is!) versions of these – but I honestly can’t remember anyone ever commenting on how I look.

Some of you might think this is very shallow of me, and I realise that this mainly applies to us women – somehow men don’t seem to be as invisible…

I do all this so that I feel good about me, not for external gratification, but when you hear all those around you being complimented on a new outfit, new hairstyle etc. and nobody includes you, it can be quite depressing.

To me it implies that you are no longer visible. Your role in the world has diminished – and I’m not ready to be put on the scrap heap yet! I still want to contribute to the world around me. I may not have the energy of a 20 year old anymore, but my brain still functions – and I want to keep it working. I still have new ideas of things to do, I still want to work – I still want to contribute to my community. And as a further incentive, I need to earn an income to pay my bills as my pension just doesn’t cover it!

So, come on all us ‘seniors’ ( I actually HATE that word ) – it’s a new year so let’s all resolve to stay positive and BE SEEN. Are you with me?

#ScrollFreeSeptember

I’m taking part in #ScrollFreeSeptember which means that for the whole of this month I am not using Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or YouTube. It’s been just under 48 hours since I started, and I have to confess to feeling quite excluded from the world already!

I don’t post a great deal on any of the social media platforms, but I do browse them and enjoy seeing what other people are getting up to. When I’m working it doesn’t bother me, but I live alone and it’s in the evening that I use it most. Having Facebook open is a bit like having somebody else in the room. For example, when I’ve watched, say, the latest episode of The Bodyguard – the current tense drama on TV – if somebody was in the room with me we’d chat about it. Facebook is like having lots of friends in the room.

Twitter I enjoy browsing just to see what other – often well-known – people have got to say about current issues, and also pick up on breaking news. Twitter is more about world affairs. Instagram is where I can see my family and friends’ photos – many of them live in other countries, but I can still feel close to them by seeing their pics.

I’m part of the generation for whom technically this is all something very new and I know many of my peers don’t use social media at all, but I love it and confess to enjoying browsing what people have got to say – maybe it’s just my naturally nosy nature! It makes me feel connected to the world and I think a lot of older people who live alone could benefit if they used social media a little more as they would feel more connected. It’s so nice to follow the lives of friends and family, wish them happy birthday, see wedding pictures, photos of new arrivals in the family.

The other side of the coin, and another reason why I’m doing this challenge, is the negative side of social media, particularly when it involves young people.

Sadly, social media has become a bit like the fashion police for many young people. I have a feeling that younger people are more likely to feel isolated as it can exaggerate any differences they may feel. This can lead to feelings of low self-worth, and in extreme cases suicidal thoughts – and actions. People always seem to post pictures of happy smiling people in gorgeous locations. I am a civil celebrant and recently took the funeral service of a young girl who took her own life just an hour after posting a picture of her smiling happily at a party with friends.

I really don’t know how I’m going to get on with #ScrollFreeSeptember. SkyTV are ‘monitoring’ a few of us so that’s an incentive to stick to it…

So if you’re reading this I hope you can wish me luck – and more importantly, if you feel like supporting what I’m doing please go to my Just Giving page https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/sally-d which links to PAPYRUS, a UK charity that exists to try and reduce young suicides and offer support to young people. Even if you don’t want to donate, please just share the page as raising awareness might help just one young person to take a positive step rather than a negative one.

Don’t Call Me ‘Dear’!

In a couple of years, I’ll be 70. No fanfare is necessary. As far as I’m aware, I still have most of my mental faculties, although my body sometimes feels past its best. So I resent it when staff in shops and cafes call me ‘‘dear’’. I am not their ‘dear’ – we don’t know one another – and I’m still perfectly capable of making my own decisions.

Why is it that when people see a few wrinkles, some grey or thinning hair, a bent body, that is all they see? And all they think is ‘old.’

There are lots of us ‘older folk’ out there who still work in responsible jobs, and with changes to the pension age in the UK there will be far more older people in the workforce in the future.

I remember thinking someone I worked with was old when they celebrated their 40^th birthday; so part of me understands their perspective, but I would never have called someone ‘dear’. I was taught to respect people and the word ‘dear’ in this context is so patronising!

I did once challenge someone in a café who called me ‘dear’; she replied with “I just wanted you to feel welcome ‘dear’”. I commented that prompt service and a warm smile would have done the job much better.

I know people in their 20s whom I would call old, and I recently met a 90-year-old who has all his faculties (as well as his own teeth and a full head of hair, albeit silver!), and I challenge anyone to call him ‘dear’ – they would get a right tongue- lashing!

None of us ever really think we’re going to get old – but it’s by far the better of the two options! I wish I did still have the energy I had when I was 20, but I don’t think I’d change anything else; I wouldn’t want to do it all again.

I just don’t want anyone to call me ‘dear’ – ever. Even if I met the man of my dreams tomorrow, he’d be out on his ear if he once called me ‘dear’.

So please – don’t call me ‘dear’….

What one skill would you choose for a day?

Listening to the radio yesterday I heard DJ Fearne Cotton say she wished she could sing like Jessie J for a day, just to see what it is like, and that set me thinking.

If I could choose one skill, what would it be? To sing like Jessie J? To play tennis like Serena Williams? To drive a Formula One car like a champion? To cook like Raymond Blanc? To fly a plane? One can argue that we can all learn these skills, but most of them take time, money – not to mention a degree of talent or at least aptitude! I would like a ‘cheat’ day where I woke able to do something as an expert, not a novice, with no effort on my part!

My chosen skill would be to play the piano. Well actually a bit more than that… to be able to play Brahms Piano Concerto No. 2 as well as any concert pianist and to be able to play jazz improvisations equally well. Not much to ask really!

As I child I didn’t have piano lessons and it wasn’t until my 40s that I decided to try and teach myself. I was able to use a friend’s piano (although he refused – wisely – to teach me), and spent many Saturday mornings practising the William Tell Overture and sundry other ‘simple’ pieces. If my friend was in the house while I practised I would occasionally hear a distant shout of ‘Count!!” as he endured my wimpish efforts. I am not naturally a patient person, and I used to get frustrated that I couldn’t just PLAY! Which is why it would be such a treat to have a day when my fingers would automatically and beautifully play wonderful piano music. Needless to say I gave up and can’t play at all.

If anyone else reads this blog, I’d be really interested to know what your ‘secret’ skill wish would be.

A touch of reflection

It’s just over a year since I started this blog and I’m not a very regular blogger, but thought I ought to take a moment to think back over the last year.

I gave up full time work in August 2012 and have spent the time since then developing my own new business as a Reiki and EFT Practitioner. I have also managed to fit in a wonderful month in Australia, visits to friends around the UK, as well as joining a creative writing course, and achieving a proofreading diploma,

The business is growing slowly but steadily and I now have my own premises – though I don’t work full time. The whole point is to make enough of a living for those extras like long holidays in faraway places without having to slog my guts out in a 40+ hour week!!! I also enjoy Reiki and EFT as they are wonderful therapies that can help people without doing any harm.

On the whole it’s been a pretty good year, despite the sadness of losing my 97 year old aunt in April. At a recent checkup with my GP she commented that my cholesterol and blood pressure levels were better than they’ve been for years – and the only thing that has changed is my work situation. Proof, if any were needed, that stress has physical manifestations!

My birth certificate says I am 66, but I have decided to start counting backwards so on my birthday last month I turned 64… Roll on being 60 again 😉

Let’s reform supermarket queuing!

Standing in a supermarket queue, as most of us do on a regular basis, gives one time to think – mainly because someone in front is taking rather longer than is polite to pack and pay for their shopping.

After a particularly irritating delay in a recent queue, I came up with a couple of suggestions that supermarket managers may wish to consider…. read on!

1. At the head of each checkout have a LARGE sign saying ‘Please remember you will have to pay for your shopping, so please have payment ready’. How many times have you watched someone pack their shopping, chat to the checkout person and generally dither until they are told the amount due and suddenly go into shock as the realise they have to pay. Several minutes pass while they a) try to find the right card or b) count out the exact amount in 5p and 1p coins.. or c) rummage in their purse/wallet for a number of money off coupons which usually turn out to be out of date.

2. Have a separate checkout just for those customers who have packing OCD; those people who pack everything slowly, by size and brand – sometimes even alphabetically. Despite being offered help with packing by the person on checkout they insist on doing it themselves and carry on regardless of the growing queue behind them, each item being carefully examined and packed as if it were a fragile piece of glass!

I think the second suggestion could be a winner as it would bring together those people who suffer from packing OCD and they can offer one another support.

Any thoughts?

Not a morning person……

Why do people have a problem with those of us who aren’t full of the joys of spring early in the morning? I know I am far from being the only person who ‘doesn’t do’ mornings, but for all those who DO I just want to explain something….

If my curtains are still closed at 10 am you may think I am a lazy slut – but what you probably don’t know, because you were fast asleep, is that I was still up and about at 2 am. I enjoy staying up late as that’s when I seem to be my most creative. Any time after 10 pm I seem to come alive and the creative writing juices start to flow, or I decide to catch up on my reading. I have even been known to do some business finance stuff in the wee small hours. My brain LIKES the nighttime – not early mornings.

I have been told that if I went to bed earlier I would be more alert in the morning. Believe me, I have tried that, but I just lie there unable to sleep. I end up totally exhausted and rather crabby.

So please don’t judge me by the time my curtains open or close, and please don’t call me before 9 am unless it’s an emergency. I don’t take any notice of when you close your curtains and I wouldn’t dream of calling you after 9 pm unless I know you are a night owl like me.

Bring back intuition!

I’m reading Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink and am finding it fascinating. He talks about decisions we make and opinions we form ‘in the blink of an eye’ and how they are often more accurate than those made with pages and pages of research and data. I call it ‘gut feeling’ or just plain intuition, and I believe it in very strongly.

I’m not necessarily very good at it, but sometimes I have an instant reaction to someone or something that I later dismiss, only to be proved right (in my instant reaction) further down the line. That was often the case when recruiting staff, and I usually went against my gut instinct because others felt differently. In two particular instances, going against my instinct (we also talk about our ‘better judgment’) turned out to be pretty disastrous, as those who were recruited turned out to be totally wrong for the organisation, and in fact did considerable damage.

So what is this gut reaction / intuition? Where does it come from? What part of our brain is poised to tell us instantly what’s right or wrong? I’m no scientist, but think it must be part of our primitive brain. Think of animals and how they seem to know instinctively when there is danger (or even the prospect of a thunderstorm!) and often react positively or negatively to some people for reasons we can’t fathom. Is this some form of basic protection all species have? It makes sense to me. Our ancestors needed to respond quickly to threats, so obviously needed to be able to recognise a threat. As we have developed we rely more on analysing situations and people in depth, so those instinctive reactions have been pushed to the back. Yet they’re still there, and I suspect that we should all listen to that inner voice, trust our instincts and not allow other people to sway us quite so much.

Next time you get that gut feeling, stop and ask yourself ‘what makes me think this?’ You may find that first ‘blink’ is the right one!

To keep or to sell (updated in July)

I have a dilemma.. I’ve been having a clear out and have found an old doll that was either a birthday or Christmas present (can’t remember which!) when I was about 10.

I called her Pamela and she was gorgeous – dark hair (and she came with her own brush and comb set), eyes that opened and closed, she walked – and TALKED. I also got a doll’s pram for her and used to parade up and down the street with my baby… as I see little girls still do nearly 60 years later.

Pamela has spent the last 30+ years wrapped in a silk scarf at the back of a wardrobe. She is in her original clothes, including the straw sun bonnet, although the white vest and socks are a bit grey. I’ve just washed them all in the hope they’ll look a little fresher… She still walks, her eyes still open and close, but she has long since lost her voice.

I have no children of my own to pass her to, and although I do have one special little 7 year old who loves girly things, she is in Australia and I’m not sure she’d want Pamela anyway.

It seems silly to keep her wrapped up and never seen, so I’ve checked on Ebay and there is a market for such dolls – although she won’t make me a rich woman. Do I keep her or sell her? And why I am really fretting about it… I have no reason to be sentimental about this.

Funny how we hang on to things from our past when they serve absolutely no purpose.

JULY UPDATE – I decided to sell Pamela and she is currently winging her way to a lady in Western Australia whom I hope will look after her

An old life nearing its end

I am writing this in the home of my 97 year old aunt. She is in her bedroom and she is dying; there are only the two of us in the house. The nurses came earlier this evening to set up a syringe driver to make her remaining time less stressful for her as she was hallucinating and becoming agitated. So now she is very peaceful, virtually unconscious, as she starts her final journey.

Until 4 days ago she was very independent, living in her own home and caring for herself with minimal help from a twice weekly cleaner and home deliveries – she hasn’t been out of the house for a year. She is highly intelligent and a week ago we were both sat here in her living room doing a crossword puzzle and discussing the death of Margaret Thatcher. My aunt has very strong political opinions and they are not those of Maggie!!!

I keep going in to check her breathing – her body has started to shut down and the doctor thinks she will probably die in the next 24 hours.

The person lying in the bed bears no resemblance to the woman I know and love. Marie was born in the middle of the Great War, in January 1916, the 4th of 5 children. She has seen so much and is a wealth of stories about life in London from the 1920s onwards. She married the love of her life after he returned from the Royal Marines in the 2nd World War. They had no children. She has been a widow for nearly 20 years and for all that time she has been fiercely independent and feisty.

So as I watch the life force leaving her I feel immense sadness for me that I will no longer be able to have long phone conversations about world affairs with her, no longer be able to ask about family history – she is the last in the line, my last relative. I am happy for her as she says ‘I have lived too long’ and is looking forward to being reunited with all those who have gone before her.