Thoughtful – ALIVE AND CREAKING

#ScrollFreeSeptember

I’m taking part in #ScrollFreeSeptember which means that for the whole of this month I am not using Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or YouTube. It’s been just under 48 hours since I started, and I have to confess to feeling quite excluded from the world already!

I don’t post a great deal on any of the social media platforms, but I do browse them and enjoy seeing what other people are getting up to. When I’m working it doesn’t bother me, but I live alone and it’s in the evening that I use it most. Having Facebook open is a bit like having somebody else in the room. For example, when I’ve watched, say, the latest episode of The Bodyguard – the current tense drama on TV – if somebody was in the room with me we’d chat about it. Facebook is like having lots of friends in the room.

Twitter I enjoy browsing just to see what other – often well-known – people have got to say about current issues, and also pick up on breaking news. Twitter is more about world affairs. Instagram is where I can see my family and friends’ photos – many of them live in other countries, but I can still feel close to them by seeing their pics.

I’m part of the generation for whom technically this is all something very new and I know many of my peers don’t use social media at all, but I love it and confess to enjoying browsing what people have got to say – maybe it’s just my naturally nosy nature! It makes me feel connected to the world and I think a lot of older people who live alone could benefit if they used social media a little more as they would feel more connected. It’s so nice to follow the lives of friends and family, wish them happy birthday, see wedding pictures, photos of new arrivals in the family.

The other side of the coin, and another reason why I’m doing this challenge, is the negative side of social media, particularly when it involves young people.

Sadly, social media has become a bit like the fashion police for many young people. I have a feeling that younger people are more likely to feel isolated as it can exaggerate any differences they may feel. This can lead to feelings of low self-worth, and in extreme cases suicidal thoughts – and actions. People always seem to post pictures of happy smiling people in gorgeous locations. I am a civil celebrant and recently took the funeral service of a young girl who took her own life just an hour after posting a picture of her smiling happily at a party with friends.

I really don’t know how I’m going to get on with #ScrollFreeSeptember. SkyTV are ‘monitoring’ a few of us so that’s an incentive to stick to it…

So if you’re reading this I hope you can wish me luck – and more importantly, if you feel like supporting what I’m doing please go to my Just Giving page https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/sally-d which links to PAPYRUS, a UK charity that exists to try and reduce young suicides and offer support to young people. Even if you don’t want to donate, please just share the page as raising awareness might help just one young person to take a positive step rather than a negative one.

A touch of reflection

It’s just over a year since I started this blog and I’m not a very regular blogger, but thought I ought to take a moment to think back over the last year.

I gave up full time work in August 2012 and have spent the time since then developing my own new business as a Reiki and EFT Practitioner. I have also managed to fit in a wonderful month in Australia, visits to friends around the UK, as well as joining a creative writing course, and achieving a proofreading diploma,

The business is growing slowly but steadily and I now have my own premises – though I don’t work full time. The whole point is to make enough of a living for those extras like long holidays in faraway places without having to slog my guts out in a 40+ hour week!!! I also enjoy Reiki and EFT as they are wonderful therapies that can help people without doing any harm.

On the whole it’s been a pretty good year, despite the sadness of losing my 97 year old aunt in April. At a recent checkup with my GP she commented that my cholesterol and blood pressure levels were better than they’ve been for years – and the only thing that has changed is my work situation. Proof, if any were needed, that stress has physical manifestations!

My birth certificate says I am 66, but I have decided to start counting backwards so on my birthday last month I turned 64… Roll on being 60 again 😉

Bring back intuition!

I’m reading Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink and am finding it fascinating. He talks about decisions we make and opinions we form ‘in the blink of an eye’ and how they are often more accurate than those made with pages and pages of research and data. I call it ‘gut feeling’ or just plain intuition, and I believe it in very strongly.

I’m not necessarily very good at it, but sometimes I have an instant reaction to someone or something that I later dismiss, only to be proved right (in my instant reaction) further down the line. That was often the case when recruiting staff, and I usually went against my gut instinct because others felt differently. In two particular instances, going against my instinct (we also talk about our ‘better judgment’) turned out to be pretty disastrous, as those who were recruited turned out to be totally wrong for the organisation, and in fact did considerable damage.

So what is this gut reaction / intuition? Where does it come from? What part of our brain is poised to tell us instantly what’s right or wrong? I’m no scientist, but think it must be part of our primitive brain. Think of animals and how they seem to know instinctively when there is danger (or even the prospect of a thunderstorm!) and often react positively or negatively to some people for reasons we can’t fathom. Is this some form of basic protection all species have? It makes sense to me. Our ancestors needed to respond quickly to threats, so obviously needed to be able to recognise a threat. As we have developed we rely more on analysing situations and people in depth, so those instinctive reactions have been pushed to the back. Yet they’re still there, and I suspect that we should all listen to that inner voice, trust our instincts and not allow other people to sway us quite so much.

Next time you get that gut feeling, stop and ask yourself ‘what makes me think this?’ You may find that first ‘blink’ is the right one!

An old life nearing its end

I am writing this in the home of my 97 year old aunt. She is in her bedroom and she is dying; there are only the two of us in the house. The nurses came earlier this evening to set up a syringe driver to make her remaining time less stressful for her as she was hallucinating and becoming agitated. So now she is very peaceful, virtually unconscious, as she starts her final journey.

Until 4 days ago she was very independent, living in her own home and caring for herself with minimal help from a twice weekly cleaner and home deliveries – she hasn’t been out of the house for a year. She is highly intelligent and a week ago we were both sat here in her living room doing a crossword puzzle and discussing the death of Margaret Thatcher. My aunt has very strong political opinions and they are not those of Maggie!!!

I keep going in to check her breathing – her body has started to shut down and the doctor thinks she will probably die in the next 24 hours.

The person lying in the bed bears no resemblance to the woman I know and love. Marie was born in the middle of the Great War, in January 1916, the 4th of 5 children. She has seen so much and is a wealth of stories about life in London from the 1920s onwards. She married the love of her life after he returned from the Royal Marines in the 2nd World War. They had no children. She has been a widow for nearly 20 years and for all that time she has been fiercely independent and feisty.

So as I watch the life force leaving her I feel immense sadness for me that I will no longer be able to have long phone conversations about world affairs with her, no longer be able to ask about family history – she is the last in the line, my last relative. I am happy for her as she says ‘I have lived too long’ and is looking forward to being reunited with all those who have gone before her.

I’ve lost my mojo…

Anyone living in the UK at the moment can be forgiven for being obsessed with the weather. It is supposed to be spring but it’s snowing, freezing (minus temperatures!) and generally very depressing.

I have renamed S A D (Seasonal Affected Disorder) as SNOW Affected Disorder.

Normally fairly positive and upbeat I have decided that March has been a write-off and my mojo has GONE. I can’t be bothered to do anything much and need a big boost of motivation from somewhere – but not sure where to get it from.

Is this a symptom of my age I wonder? The fact that I am officially in the ‘latter’ stages of the human life span and everything around me seems grey (or white) and dead. Even the birds aren’t around at the moment; who can blame them when there is an icy wind blowing!

It makes me wonder how people who live in Scandinavia and anywhere near a Pole, manage in the long dark winter months. I think I did read somewhere that suicide rates always increase in those countries in the winter, and I can understand why. If you are already feeling deeply unhappy, for whatever reason, being cold, unable to move around easily without fear of falling on ice or disappearing in a snowdrift, surrounded by greyness and dark skies, it could be quite easy to decide to take that extra final step to end everything.

So how do we reach those people and support them? How do we cope with those feelings if we are affected? No easy answer. Personally, despite having lost my mojo (temporarily I hope!), I have hope because the daffodils are poking their lovely yellow heads up through the snow and there are signs that spring is in there somewhere. So I guess my mantra today must be ‘There is always something to be hopeful for’

To anyone reading this – have a hopeful and a happy day, our Universe is wonderful.